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introversion thoughts
2020-01-06 14:01I have a dim memory of an article, which I can't find again, arguing that it wasn't really that introverts didn't enjoy socializing, but that they anticipated not enjoying socializing.
I found this both flawed and intriguing: flawed in that it certainly seemed that some socializing drained me, per the the MBTI definition of introversion; intriguing in that it was also true that I often found myself reluctant to go to something but enjoying it when I forced myself to.
I was ruminating about that recently, and had a thought about some kinds of socializing I don't like:
* loud bar or party, where I can barely hear the person in front of me, and I have to speak painfully loudly to be heard.
* big party where I don't know anyone to talk to, or know people superficially and hardly anyone is talking to me, or conversation is about things I don't care about.
* small group, a couple or some friends, who again are mostly caught up in each other and ignoring me or discussing things I can't get into even as a friend.
What struck me is that these are simply poor forms of socializing. It's not really socializing if you can't talk to anyone, or no one talks to you, or it's physically painful!
If someone enjoys the big party more, are they more extroverted, or do they have better hearing that can filter the noise better?
(Not to mention the effect of alcohol.)
And if someone at the big party has the skills and attractiveness to meet a new person and end up making out with them in the corner, it's not that they enjoy it more, it's that they're having a much better experience than I am. I would enjoy it too but that doesn't happen to me.
My own introversion has long seemed "in between": drained by big groups, energized by tete-a-tetes with or small groups of close friends. I can coast for a good while by myself, reading and such, but I also enjoy getting *some* social contact, even a bit of superficial (retail) contact if nothing else.
Well, I think I'm rambling. I'll close with one 2015 link I found again, on alleged types of introverts: https://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/06/apparently-there-are-four-kinds-of-introversion.html
I found this both flawed and intriguing: flawed in that it certainly seemed that some socializing drained me, per the the MBTI definition of introversion; intriguing in that it was also true that I often found myself reluctant to go to something but enjoying it when I forced myself to.
I was ruminating about that recently, and had a thought about some kinds of socializing I don't like:
* loud bar or party, where I can barely hear the person in front of me, and I have to speak painfully loudly to be heard.
* big party where I don't know anyone to talk to, or know people superficially and hardly anyone is talking to me, or conversation is about things I don't care about.
* small group, a couple or some friends, who again are mostly caught up in each other and ignoring me or discussing things I can't get into even as a friend.
What struck me is that these are simply poor forms of socializing. It's not really socializing if you can't talk to anyone, or no one talks to you, or it's physically painful!
If someone enjoys the big party more, are they more extroverted, or do they have better hearing that can filter the noise better?
(Not to mention the effect of alcohol.)
And if someone at the big party has the skills and attractiveness to meet a new person and end up making out with them in the corner, it's not that they enjoy it more, it's that they're having a much better experience than I am. I would enjoy it too but that doesn't happen to me.
My own introversion has long seemed "in between": drained by big groups, energized by tete-a-tetes with or small groups of close friends. I can coast for a good while by myself, reading and such, but I also enjoy getting *some* social contact, even a bit of superficial (retail) contact if nothing else.
Well, I think I'm rambling. I'll close with one 2015 link I found again, on alleged types of introverts: https://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/06/apparently-there-are-four-kinds-of-introversion.html