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Does that mean Sauron was full of love? >-)
Congrats to a couple friends getting engaged. But "do we need a ring?" made me reflect on the extremes of my vicarious experience:
Friends 1&2: married at the shockingly early (for my social circle) age of 22, still together 14 years later, despite much military-imposed separation. Eloped to the LA courthouse with negative fanfare ("Oh, uh, we got married"); I don't know if there even is a ring.
College semi-friends: spent about a year on wedding preparations, down to having bridesmaids make their dresses by hand. Divorced badly 8 months after the wedding.
Huh, for that matter, I'm not sure my parents had any rings (well, wedding rings; I know my mother wore a non-standard ring or two), and they did the courthouse thing, and were together for... well, I don't know when they got married vs. living together, but let's say 35 years on the low end.
I figure exactly one LJ friend will grok my choice of userpic.
Congrats to a couple friends getting engaged. But "do we need a ring?" made me reflect on the extremes of my vicarious experience:
Friends 1&2: married at the shockingly early (for my social circle) age of 22, still together 14 years later, despite much military-imposed separation. Eloped to the LA courthouse with negative fanfare ("Oh, uh, we got married"); I don't know if there even is a ring.
College semi-friends: spent about a year on wedding preparations, down to having bridesmaids make their dresses by hand. Divorced badly 8 months after the wedding.
Huh, for that matter, I'm not sure my parents had any rings (well, wedding rings; I know my mother wore a non-standard ring or two), and they did the courthouse thing, and were together for... well, I don't know when they got married vs. living together, but let's say 35 years on the low end.
I figure exactly one LJ friend will grok my choice of userpic.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 16:08 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 20:39 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 19:39 (UTC)From:We'll figure out the ring situation -- probably by ordering something handmade and awesome from Etsy?
(can you explain the choice of userpic to the uninitiated?)
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Date: 2010-12-01 20:34 (UTC)From:I think my mother changed names, but also that it was the default back then. Didn't actually use it much, which made "Could I talk to Mrs. Sullivan?" a clue that the phone call was junk.
Explain... probably not easily. It's of Enki, a kirin from the anime Twelve Kingdoms (or Juuni Kokki), and the kirin of this world are divine unicorns who point out the god-chosen person who will be king or emperor until they screw up. When the ruler screws up, the kirin gets sick, and likely dies, followed by the king. The kirin are creatures of mercy and compassion, tempering the king. The rulers don't have children after their elevation, with the whole people being their metaphorical children. So the kirin and emperor can be viewed as married in a way, especially if your tastes run that way, and I know people whose tastes do.
Oh, it helps that the kirin can change to a human form. [eta: E.g. in canis-m's pic, the blond boy is Enki, hitting his emperor.]
Basically it was "I'm talking about marriage, do any of my userpics qualify with a stretch, maybe Zefiris, oh no, kirin are a no-brainer! For me and canis, anyway."
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Date: 2010-12-01 20:50 (UTC)From:Ben Collins-Sussman, open-source Googler extraordinaire, has a great blog post about the experience of changing his name from "Sussman" to "Collins-Sussman". In his experience, it's much harder for dudes to change names when they get married!
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Date: 2010-12-01 21:56 (UTC)From:Yeah, I think we'll be closer to the "elope to LA" end of the spectrum than the "spend a year making gowns by hand" end, but we'll see.
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Date: 2010-12-01 21:59 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 23:26 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 22:58 (UTC)From:I always planned to take the guy's name when I was younger, but more recently I get stuck on the fact that 'Task' is a frickin' awesome last name, and "Dr. Task" sounds like a mad-science villian... so I'm not giving that up, at least professionally. I've got no attachment to my middle name though, so I might change that. Still have no idea how one resolves the kid thing.
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Date: 2010-12-01 23:22 (UTC)From:Well, maybe not. Anyway, yeah, I can see the "mommy doesn't have kiddie's name" problem, though it can't be a huge problem given how many people don't change. And there are whole cultures without a name-change tradition. (Vs. Japan, which requires a name change, though it can go either way; usually to the male, but sometimes the man changes to preserve the female family name.)
I think I've heard of splitting kids, but imagine it's not common. G&S just gave G's last name, though S's last name is a middle name for all the kids -- apparently two middle names is common where he grew up. And the youngest is Chilean as well as American, so can get the Spanish both-parents-name version.
S didn't take G's name, if that wasn't clear. "Ugh! No one can spell that!"
Another option is changing both people to a third name, possibly melded out of the ingoing names. Like hyphenation, but with a control on length.
If you have lots of kids, they can be the Task Force! Like I thought your first e-mail to me was from. :)
Also see mlc23 below about not having trouble with her kid.
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Date: 2010-12-01 23:35 (UTC)From:In doctor's offices/daycares/etc. I have never even gotten a double glance - blended families are common enough that a hodge-podge of names within a family doesn't faze anyone.
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Date: 2010-12-01 20:02 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 20:35 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 20:06 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 20:37 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 23:21 (UTC)From:What does surprise me is that women changing their names feel like they have to give all kinds of lame excuses. Everything from: "I don't like the sound of my maiden name" (then why not change it earlier or something specifically chosen) to "It makes it easier with kids or to handle paperwork." (I have had zero problems in 14 years and I suspect my need to act as a single parent or on my husband's behalf is far greater than most). I don't have a problem with wanting to be traditional, but just say "I want to be traditional."
The question of naming kids requires discussion if you have two different last names. I chose to go with the father/husband last name because it seems a good way to indicate parentage: people are going to assume any child with me is biologically mine, but the fatherhood situation can be a lot more varied. My own vanity perhaps, but since my child was the product of a 10 year marriage when he was born I wanted that reflected in his name and for people to automatically assume the child was biologically his. My husband had no preference and would not have cared either way.
I do wonder about how marital name changes impact one's own identity and others' perceptions. I have been told one more than one occasion by people that they simultaneously think we have one of the best marriages they know (and we do :) ) and yet still think of us as two individuals rather than "a couple" or "family." Some might be insulted by that last bit but I find it a huge compliment.
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Date: 2010-12-02 02:03 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 21:32 (UTC)From:along some third vector of insanity..
Date: 2010-12-01 22:50 (UTC)From:We got each other slightly ambiguous pre-ring rings before I started at Purdue (well, his a couple weeks after). Claddaugh rings that we wear with the appropriate alignment. Alex has apparently termed them 'meta-rings', which is utterly brilliant and apt. We called them 'practice rings', like training wheels on a bike :-).